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There are so many things in my life that I have to be thankful for. As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches I find myself a bit overwhelmed by just how lucky I am.
First and foremost, I am thankful to be surrounded by people who love me...really, truly love me. These people - my husband, my family (the whole great big extended lot of them!) and my friends - make my life rich with joy. Without them all the other things I have to be thankful for would be inconsequential. There are so many people in this world who don't feel really, truly loved, and I know I am lucky. For these people, I give thanks.
I don't think I'm the only person who has a roof over her head and a steady income who forgets those are things to be thankful for. There are many of us who have homes to live in, cars to drive, jobs to go to and food in the cupboard who treat those things like they are something everyone has. They are not. For an abundance of good fortune, I give thanks.
In this past year I have had one more very big thing to add to my list of things to be thankful for. I have had the opportunity to dedicate time to fulfilling the dream of becoming an author. Through the process I have discovered that there is absolutely no feeling like that of pursuing your dreams. I have also learned that published or not, famous or not, I am a writer. For the realization that being a writer is who I am and for the opportunity to pursue my dream, I give thanks.
To all those who come across this blog, I hope this post will cause you to pause, if only for a moment, and give thanks.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Writing at Expense to Your Sanity
A friend of mine recently found himself facing a tough decision. Does he continue to pursue the dream of being a successful published author or does he get out now and save what's left of his sanity? (You can read his recent post about his dilemma at http://chocolatefordogs.com/2008/11/18/choices-choices-choices/...an excellent blog by the way...I recommend you follow it if you're not already) It's a tough question really, and one I'm sure thousands of other writers are facing at this very moment.
It's certainly a question I've asked myself on more than one occasion. For me it's never a question of will I quit writing. I'm a writer in my soul. It is who I am. Expressing myself with words is my thing. I couldn't stop that if I tried. Pursuing it as a career is another thing altogether. It's brutal really. More brutal than I ever imagined it would be.
Creative people pour their hearts and souls into their work, whatever the medium. For those who find the courage - and believe me it takes courage - to try and get the world to see their work through their eyes, with the same passion and intensity they feel for it, the world can become a cold and lonely place. How is it that everyone you talk to does not see it? Does not get it like you do? Don't ask me...I don't know why.
What I do know is the struggle it creates in your heart when your creation doesn't fly off the shelves. For some of us, pouring your heart into a project is natural, easy almost. Marketing and selling it to others is a different game entirely. Getting your creation onto shelves is a battle in itself. Once you climb that hurdle you sigh a big sigh of relief. "There, I've done it. It's in the stores." Ha! If only it was that easy. Soon the reality sinks in as you see your creation collecting dust, hidden amongst the spines of thousands of other creative works.
At this point some might say that determination is the remaining factor that guides your fate. Fooey! I've got all the determination in the world, but I also have a full time job that pays my bills, a home to keep up, relationships to maintain. And I have to fight off the Dementor of my hopes and dreams...that dark hope sucking presence that weighs heavy on my heart and forces reality down my throat.
It is a process that can make you crazy. It forces you to make tough choices...financial choices, personal choices, professional choices...tough choices. So to my friend who posed the question all I can really say is this; follow your heart and hope that the rest will fall into place. Sometimes it's all you can do. And if the process really does make you crazy, then hope for some good drugs. And don't worry, I'll come visit you in the loony bin...I'm sure there'd be a good story in it.
It's certainly a question I've asked myself on more than one occasion. For me it's never a question of will I quit writing. I'm a writer in my soul. It is who I am. Expressing myself with words is my thing. I couldn't stop that if I tried. Pursuing it as a career is another thing altogether. It's brutal really. More brutal than I ever imagined it would be.
Creative people pour their hearts and souls into their work, whatever the medium. For those who find the courage - and believe me it takes courage - to try and get the world to see their work through their eyes, with the same passion and intensity they feel for it, the world can become a cold and lonely place. How is it that everyone you talk to does not see it? Does not get it like you do? Don't ask me...I don't know why.
What I do know is the struggle it creates in your heart when your creation doesn't fly off the shelves. For some of us, pouring your heart into a project is natural, easy almost. Marketing and selling it to others is a different game entirely. Getting your creation onto shelves is a battle in itself. Once you climb that hurdle you sigh a big sigh of relief. "There, I've done it. It's in the stores." Ha! If only it was that easy. Soon the reality sinks in as you see your creation collecting dust, hidden amongst the spines of thousands of other creative works.
At this point some might say that determination is the remaining factor that guides your fate. Fooey! I've got all the determination in the world, but I also have a full time job that pays my bills, a home to keep up, relationships to maintain. And I have to fight off the Dementor of my hopes and dreams...that dark hope sucking presence that weighs heavy on my heart and forces reality down my throat.
It is a process that can make you crazy. It forces you to make tough choices...financial choices, personal choices, professional choices...tough choices. So to my friend who posed the question all I can really say is this; follow your heart and hope that the rest will fall into place. Sometimes it's all you can do. And if the process really does make you crazy, then hope for some good drugs. And don't worry, I'll come visit you in the loony bin...I'm sure there'd be a good story in it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Where'd that balance go?
Today I am back at work, working late, and wondering where all that wonderful balance went. Two days back in the office and my desk is absolutely buried...training applications for employees, purchase orders, domestic violence audit results, visa statements, and copies of McGruff the Crime Dogs word scramble puzzle (for the trick-o-treat bags that I've yet to put together) are scattered around my office. What a mess!
I wonder if my dog misses having me at home and making trips to play fetch by the river as much as I do. While he's locked up in the kitchen waiting for his dad to get home and let him out, I wonder if he stares out the window and thinks back to our leisurely days while I was on vacation last week. I know that's what I'm doing when I stare out the window at today's beautiful autumn weather. I wonder if my husband would support me being a stay at home mom for Jack the springer/setter/pound pup?
I know that working the occasional long day at the office is part of the perfectly balanced life, but today I think I'd rather be drinking a pumpkin spice soy chai tea and strolling along the riverbank with Jack happily bouncing along at my side.
I wonder if my dog misses having me at home and making trips to play fetch by the river as much as I do. While he's locked up in the kitchen waiting for his dad to get home and let him out, I wonder if he stares out the window and thinks back to our leisurely days while I was on vacation last week. I know that's what I'm doing when I stare out the window at today's beautiful autumn weather. I wonder if my husband would support me being a stay at home mom for Jack the springer/setter/pound pup?
I know that working the occasional long day at the office is part of the perfectly balanced life, but today I think I'd rather be drinking a pumpkin spice soy chai tea and strolling along the riverbank with Jack happily bouncing along at my side.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Balance
I spent my day today selling pumpkins. In addition to owning a small press, being an aspiring writer, and holding down a day job to actually pay the bills, I also operate a small u-pick pumpkin farm with my husband.
Certainly there are times when it feels like a lot; then there are weeks like this one when the balance feels perfect. I started out my week in Seattle, attending a conference with other law enforcement professionals talking about the standardization of crime statistics reporting and, in one case, how those statistics can be better used to track information on missing children. I spent my evenings eating good food, shopping, and visiting with colleagues. In the late evenings I worked on my books, updating my website with info on new signing events and keeping up with correspondence.
I returned home mid-week to get ready for opening day on the farm. I was able to spend time with my dog Jack, playing at the lake and enjoying some glorious fall weather. I got to enjoy time on my farm, making applesauce, picking the last of the blackberries, cleaning and taking care of final details to be ready for today. The days spent working on the farm are so fulfilling and always leave me feeling grounded and whole.
Today I got to see family and old friends and make new friends as people came to our sweet little farm in search of the perfect pumpkin for carving and baking. There were little children, filled with wonder and joy, running and playing, going from one pumpkin to the next saying, "I want this one. Wait, no, I want this one. Or maybe I want this one."
This evening while I await the arrival of some dear friends who graciously offered to bring us dinner on this busy day, I am able to spend some time reflecting on just how lucky I am. My life is full...bursting at the seams really. I am surrounded by people who love and appreciate me, and my days are filled with the perfect balance of the things that bring me joy. Life is good.
Certainly there are times when it feels like a lot; then there are weeks like this one when the balance feels perfect. I started out my week in Seattle, attending a conference with other law enforcement professionals talking about the standardization of crime statistics reporting and, in one case, how those statistics can be better used to track information on missing children. I spent my evenings eating good food, shopping, and visiting with colleagues. In the late evenings I worked on my books, updating my website with info on new signing events and keeping up with correspondence.
I returned home mid-week to get ready for opening day on the farm. I was able to spend time with my dog Jack, playing at the lake and enjoying some glorious fall weather. I got to enjoy time on my farm, making applesauce, picking the last of the blackberries, cleaning and taking care of final details to be ready for today. The days spent working on the farm are so fulfilling and always leave me feeling grounded and whole.
Today I got to see family and old friends and make new friends as people came to our sweet little farm in search of the perfect pumpkin for carving and baking. There were little children, filled with wonder and joy, running and playing, going from one pumpkin to the next saying, "I want this one. Wait, no, I want this one. Or maybe I want this one."
This evening while I await the arrival of some dear friends who graciously offered to bring us dinner on this busy day, I am able to spend some time reflecting on just how lucky I am. My life is full...bursting at the seams really. I am surrounded by people who love and appreciate me, and my days are filled with the perfect balance of the things that bring me joy. Life is good.
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